


If You Give a Kid a Nerf Gun

by BM Vagaybond (MintSharpie)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Cookies, Drabble, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 09:51:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3352214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintSharpie/pseuds/BM%20Vagaybond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keeping a low profile after a job can be stressful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Give a Kid a Nerf Gun

“You’re like fucking five-year-olds on a road trip,” Geoff yelled irritably from the couch. Ripples skittered and rebounded across his glass of whiskey as Michael, Ray, and Gavin thundered around the hideout like a herd of highly caffeinated elephants. Gavin’s squawks and Michael’s roars added to the sensation of a jungle confined to a very small space. A bright yellow bit of foam streaked across the room and smacked Geoff in the cheek.

“Well-armed five-year-olds,” commented Jack from the kitchen, a smile in her voice. She swept a strand of hair from her eyes, leaving a smudge of flour across her forehead. Ryan, leaning against the counter, reached out and gently brushed it off.

“Amazing how being cooped up exacerbates their essential childishness,” he said, swatting another toy bullet out of the air before it could land in his drink. Behind him, a small commotion broke out.

“OHHHH, YOU JUST GOT NO SCOPED!”

“Bloody hell, Ray, that was my  _eye_ , you donut!”

“They’re just restless after the job,” Jack said tolerantly. She put away a carton of eggs. “It was a close one, we’re all a little tense.”

“That’s true,” Ryan mused. He gazed into his Coke for a moment, then drained it in one deep gulp. Abruptly he slid off the barstool and stalked away, towards the armory.

“Will you fuckers  _chill out_?” Geoff yelled after Michael’s retreating back. The only response was a squawk from Gavin in another room, and the obnoxious heavy clatter of combat boots on hardwood floors.

“Don’t worry, Geoff. I’m gonna  _make_  ‘em chill.”

Ryan stepped out into the living room, black skull grinning, leather jacket gleaming – and a huge water gun held at the ready.

“Oh, Jesus dicks,” Geoff sighed, catching sight of him.

“It’s on now, boys!” Ryan boomed, in the special deep voice he usually reserved for the victims of his murderous glee.

Michael, Ray, and Gavin each poked their heads out from around various corners, saw the Angel of Death armed with a Super Soaker, and screamed.

Nerf darts flew thick and cold water splashed over walls and floor. With four pairs of feet now charging haphazardly around the hideout, and slippery puddles developing everywhere, it was only a matter of time before –

“Wa- aaaaaauugghh fuuuuck!” screamed Michael, skidding in a patch of water. Flailing and firing wildly, sending a barrage of darts into Geoff as he went, he fell headlong into the big widescreen TV. Only his legendary reflexes kept it, the table, and a potted plant from shattering across the floor.

It was the last straw.

“IT’S ONLY BEEN THREE DAYS, ASSHOLES!” Geoff roared, surging up from the couch like a vengeful god. “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OR I WILL FUCKING _PUT_ YOU DOWN!”

The gun in his hand, unlike those wielded by his cavorting crew, was very real. They came out of hiding, one by one, hands raised like bank tellers in the face of Ramsey’s rage.

“Come on, Geoff, it’s just a bit of fun, you wouldn’t – ”

“Oh yeah? Try me, motherfuckers, I swear to God…”

“Whoooo wants cookies?”

Jack came gliding serenely into the fray like a queen into her court. In her hands she bore a tray piled high with chocolate chip cookies, hot from the oven and smelling like heaven’s own ambrosia. The five men stared, frozen for a moment, their standoff broken – and as one, they put their weapons down.

“You know you guys are going to clean all this up, right?” Jack said, smiling.

Their mouths were too full of cookie to answer.


End file.
